For a loved one

No mountain nor sea,

No thing of this world,

Could keep us apart.

Because this is not my world...

... you are ...

-Carlos Morton

Stress Relief

Stress is really high this time of the year. With finals, projects and tests ever looming students are really starting to feel a lot of stress. One way to relieve this stress is to go to different websites to relieve this stress. Some of the sites I go to are

http://www.hyperboleandahalf.blogspot.com/

http://mylifeisaverage.com/

http://www.onemorelevel.com/

http://www.shockwave.com/home.jsp

These websites will help you relieve your stress, so you won't look like this.

or this

or this these pictures came from hyperbole and a half blog. Link above

Just Think

If you really think about it, the smallest moments in time can cause the biggest changes.

Alot

I found this post on another blog that I just randomly found and i thought it was really funny. Here is the link to that blog. http://hyperboleandahalf.blogspot.com/

But there is one grammatical mistake that I particularly enjoy encountering. It has become almost fun for me to come across people who take the phrase "a lot" and condense it down into one word, because when someone says "alot," this is what I imagine:

The Alot is an imaginary creature that I made up to help me deal with my compulsive need to correct other people's grammar. It kind of looks like a cross between a bear, a yak and a pug, and it has provided hours of entertainment for me in a situation where I'd normally be left feeling angry and disillusioned with the world.

For example, when I read the sentence "I care about this alot," this is what I imagine:

Similarly, when someone says "alot of _______", I picture an Alot made out of whatever they are talking about.

If someone says something like "I feel lonely alot" or "I'm angry alot," I'm going to imagine them standing there with an emo haircut, sharing their feelings with an Alot.

The Alot is incredibly versatile.

So the next time you are reading along and you see some guy ranting about how he is "alot better at swimming than Michael Phelps," instead of getting angry, you can be like "You're right! Alots are known for their superior swimming capabilities."

Nightmare in Reality

Chapter 4

“Now that you have the four elements you can cast the spell. To do this you must wait until the height of the full moon to begin. You must place the four elements around as four points of a pentagram you will stand as the fifth point. You will then recite this spell. I call on the powers of fire, water, earth and wind to rid this place of all unjust. I call the fire to burn it, I call the wind to blow the ashes away, I call the earth to bury it, and I call on the water to wash it away. If you recite this spell all will be well in the world.”

I almost lost my mind. I had to wait for the entire afternoon to crawl slowly by. I almost got caught into going to the town festival with Priscilla, but I faked that I was still sick and in a little shock from the when the tree fell last night. Now that I have the house to myself I can finally get everything ready. Ok I have the four elements arranged as four points and I'm standing as the fifth. The moons at it's height. Time to recite the spell.

“I call on the powers of fire, water, earth, and wind to rid this place of all unjust.”

“Isabella stop! You don't know what you're doing, this is powerful magic. If you cast this spell it could backfire and do the opposite of what you are telling it to do.”

“No Priscilla, I know what I'm doing. Don't try to stop me. I call the fire to burn it, I call the wind to blow the ashes away, I call the earth to bury it, and”

“No Isabella stop you could bring about the end.”

“I call the water to wash it away.”

And with these final words Isabella Wiccan brought about...

Nightmare in Reality

Chapter3

Ok so now to go where the closest element should be, in the woods behind the house. Issac put down earth as the element and then next to it ashes. I wonder what that could mean. Might as well keep going and I guess I'll see when I get there. At least it's not hot today otherwise I would have sweated through all of my clothes already. What's this up ahead, a graveyard? I guess it must be a family graveyard. Oh no oh no no no, now I know what Issac meant about ashes. I do not want to dig anything up. Ugh that is just to gross to think about. Maybe I'll be lucky and there'll be an urn somewhere with ashes in it. Ok halfway through the graveyard and still no urn; don't panic. Oh thank goodness an urn, I was really beginning to worry. I'm glad that I brought Ziploc bags, but it's still gross that I have to do this. One element down three to go.

***

Ugh I can't believe that I had to climb this cliff just to get to the wind element. I wonder what it will be. All that Issac put on the map was wings, whatever that means. It seems to me that he wrote in riddles just to confuse himself, for that what it's doing to me. Whoa the wind up here sure is strong. The birds really seem to like it up here. Wait birds, of course that what Issac meant by wings. I'm supposed to find a feather. Well at least this one wasn't as creepy as the ashes.

***

At least this one wasn't far from the wind element. Issac put down that this one was water and I have no idea how he came to that. Considering I'm in a small shop in the town. Issac's clue is a little weird also. He put hears the sea. I mean really, how hard could it have been for him to what the element was. I might as well look around and see if I can find anything interesting. To big, too small, to ugly, why do they even have that? I'm not going to find anything here.

“Can I help you find anything?”

“Only if you have something that hears the sea.”

“Well, we have seashells, and if you put them up to your ear you can hear the sea.”

“Thank you that would be perfect.”

***

So now for the last element, fire. Hopefully this one won't be as confusing as the water one was. All Issac put was burn for the clue, but with fire of course it burns. I just hope it’s clear when I arrive at the place. Well that was sure easy. The place was an abandoned coal mine, so of course it was coal. Now to get back home and read the book to find out what I have to do for the spell.

Nightmare in Reality

Chapter 2

“So it has begun, the end is drawing near and we will finally have what we have been striving for the hundred years. We will be victorious!”

Come on you have got to be kidding me. Like I would believe that some mystical book was warning me. It must be Priscilla trying to play a joke on me; I can’t believe she would be so mean. Wait there is more writing appearing in the book, this is really starting to freak me out.

“Now I know what I just told you is hard to believe but you have to. Just to make sure you believe I set an enchantment on this book and whoever was able to read it something would happen about a few minutes after reading it. Your lamps will blow out without any warning, and then a tree will fall to thunder and lightning right by your house. Please believe my warnings, for if you don’t I have very little doubt that you will live long.”

Ok now this is getting a little too weird even for a practical joke. I’m just going to go to bed and read and ask Priscilla about it tomorrow. I wonder what’s going to happen to the hero in my book next. She’s pinned down under the monster trying not to pass out from lack of air when. DARKNESS???

“Priscilla did the lights just go out in your room to?”

“Yes something must have happened to the lines.”

“Do you want me to go and check the box outside?”

“Sure, just be careful”

I never really noticed how creepy it was out here at night. With the full moon casting shadows over everything and all the fog it looks like a place from a horror movie. And after reading from the book I’m more jumpy than usual. Well looks like the box is fine, I wonder what made the lights go out? “ BOOM” That’s weird there’s not a cloud in the sky but there was thunder, oh well. “CRACK”

“AHHH!!!!!”

“Isabella, are you alright?!?!?!”

“”I’m fine the tree didn't fall on me.”

“Thank God I was worried. The lights are back on, why don't you come inside dear.”

“Will do, I'm going to read to try and calm my nerves.”

I'm starting to believe that this book might be real and not a joke although I wish it was. Might as well go and see if anything new is in the book.

“I'm guessing that if you are reading this my enchantment worked and now that I have your attention you will have to work hard tomorrow. There is a spell you must cast on the night of the town festival, for that is when you will be at your strongest under the full moon. On the next page there is a map that I found that you must follow to find the four elements of a pentagram; water, fire, earth, and wind. The map is not specific of what the different elements are but I have added my notes to show what I think they are. If you get these elements and cast the spell, the people who mean harm will be gone forever. Get a good night’s sleep and good luck”

Nightmare in Reality

Chapter 1

"Isabella, can you come help me with the attic?"

Hi, my name is Isabella Wiccan and the person who just called my name was my aunt Priscilla Thompson. I've been living with her ever since my dad died of a heart attack. She lives in Bridgewood Massachusetts, a little town that doesn't see many new faces. Let’s just say that this little detail has made it hard for me to fit in at school. I think, dress, talk, and even act differently than all of the kids at school and this has made me an outcast. It seems that whatever I say or do just makes me even more of an outcast.

"Isabella you still here?"

"Yes sorry I was just off in my own little world. So what are we going to do in the attic?"

"We're just going grab a few boxes so we can sort through and see what we can give away for the town festival."

"Ok so which box do you want me to grab?"

"Just that one over there, I only have a couple of boxes so you can head back down to the living room."

"Ok." now let’s see what we have here. An old lava lamp, some sort of blanket thing and a few dusty hats. "Are you sure someone will want these things Priscilla? It just seems like little things to me."

"Oh I'm sure someone will want these things, just keep looking and tell me what else you find."

"Ok umm I see a plastic cup, some spoons, and a book. Hey Priscilla do you remember this book? It looks really old."

"Oh yes I wonder how that got in there? We don't want to give that book away."

"Why not?"

"Because it belonged to one of our great great ancestors, oh what was his name, Issac Watkins. It was his journal."

"If it was his journal why is it blank?"

"It was said that there was a hex laid upon the book and all of his writings disappeared. But that’s just a family legend. You know what, why don't you have the book and use it as your diary, it suits you."

"Ok, now what do you want me to do with these boxes?”

“You need to take them over to Mrs. William's house, I told her I would have them over there before supper.”

“Will do, I'll be back home soon.”

Ugh I do not want to go to Mrs. William's house. That's where the devil lives, little miss perfect Sarah William. I have no problem with Mrs. William it's her daughter that I have an issue with. On my first day of school at Bridgewood High she decided to trip me in the hall after first period and “accidentally” dropped her coffee on me. So let’s just say we're not the best of friends.

“Hi Mrs. William, my aunt asked me to drop these off for you.”

“Thank you Isabella. Are you going to help out with the town festival?”

“I don't know? It depends on how much homework I have.”

“Ok well hopefully I'll see you there. Bye.”

“Bye”

As I leave Mrs. William's house I notice that it's a cookie cutter house, and by that I mean it's a house that looks like all of the others around it. On the other hand my aunt's house is one of the oldest in the town. It's a white house with ivy crawling up its side and is set back a little into some woods.

“Priscilla I'm back home.”

“Welcome back, dinner is ready.”

“Great, what are we having?”

“We're having chicken tonight. So what did Mrs. William have to say?”

“She said thank you and wanted to know if I would be at the town festival. And before you ask, I don't know. It depends on what else is going on.”

“So what did you do today?”

“You know, the usual school stuff. I think I'm going to turn in early tonight and read. Thank you for supper.”

“Good night honey, have sweet dreams.”

“You too.”

I'm really glad that today is Friday; I can stay up all night and read and not have to worry about school at all. I think that before I start to read that I'll write in my new diary. Now where did I put that book, ah there it is. I wonder what I'll put in it, wait what is this? I could have sworn that this book was blank. Why is there writing in this book, I guess Priscilla is playing a joke on me. What does it say?

“Hi my name is Issac Watkins and I just moved here to Bridgewood. I've been living with my aunt ever since my father died. All of the people here think I'm weird and give me strange looks when I walk past them. The only person who treats me like I'm a normal person is my aunt. As I write this I am hoping that the ancestor who finds my book will be able to use it to save themselves. Let’s just start at the beginning. Your father did not die of natural causes, he was murdered. There are dark forces at work in Bridgewood. You were brought here to finish something that was started centuries ago. You are the final key that will start or end all that they have done to bring about the end. Trust no one and pray that you will be able to solve the riddle before it's too late.”

Nightmare in Reality

Preface

CRASH!!

"Dad are you ok? Dad? DAD!! Oh my God!"

"9-1-1 what is your emergency?"

"My Dad just fell on the floor. I think he's having a heart attack. Oh my God! He stopped breathing!!!"

"Mam just stay on the line, I'm sending help right now."

Guess

You will never be able to see what is different with this blog. hahahahabananahahaha I will give the first person who is right a dollar.

The Hunger Games

In the ruins of what was once North America, Katniss Everdeen is just like any other girl in District 12. Trying to keep her family alive. District 12 is probably the poorest district of all the 12. Each year the Capital holds the Hunger Games. From each district one boy and one girl is choosen from the lottery to take part in the Hunger Games. In the Hunger Games there is only one survivor. This year changes the life of Katniss forever. When Katniss's sister is called to take part in the Hunger Games Katniss takes her place, her life is on the brink of death.

The Maze Runner

Thomas wakes up and finds himself in a moving elevator. The only thing he can remember clearly is his own name. Everything else is a little fuzzy, he can remember general things but nothing specific. After awhile Thomas is afraid that the elevator will never stop moving. When it does a door opens up above him and he can see people waiting, the next words he hears he will never forget. "Welcome to the Glade"

Quote

"What lies behind us,
and what lies before us
are tiny matters compared to
what lies within us" - Emerson

Interesting

I just read that in ancient vampire lore, people used to leave piles of beans and seeds as a defence against vampires because vampires can't resist counting things. I just realized that Count from Sesame Street was a vampire and always had to count things. Looks like some people did their research.

Graceling

Graceling is about a girl named Katsa who is graced with killing. She is forced to be the king's thug and hurt the people he tells her to. She hates this job and wants to get away. When she meets a prince named Po she gets that chance. On her journey with Po she learns things she didn't even know about herself

Dreamhunter

This book focuses on two girls, Rose Tiebold and Laura Hame. They live on a land called Southland. In Southland there is this area called The Place. In The Place are dreams for people to catch, but only a few people are allowed to enter it. No one knows why, it just seems like The Place chooses what people can enter it. But even if you can enter The Place, it doesn't mean you can capture the dreams from there. For these dreams are like no other, they can heal you and make you feel things like never before. But when Laura's dad goes missing, she searches for clues and finds things about herself she didn't even know about. This book will have you reading it from beginning to end in one sitting.

The Named

This book is the first book in the Guardians of Time Trilogy. This book focuses on Ethan and Isabel. Ethan has been a member of the guard since he was four. The members of the guard aren't usually initiated this early but Ethan was a special situation. He had just witnessed his older sister Sera murdered by a monster. He was losing his insanity and to keep him from losing his mind he was initiated into the guard early. Isabel is a new member of the guard. One morning when she cut herself deeply she healed herself. She thought she had just imagined it but when Ethan moves a pencil in history class Isabel realizes that her life will never be the same again. This first installment of the Guardians of Time Trilogy will keep you reading until you finish and you will want to find the next book immediately.

The Absence of Light

The absence of light isn't darkness, it's despair. In darkness you can see what burns the brightest, but in despair everything is gray and bleak. In the light everything good looks the same. But in the dark you see things that are overlooked. You can see hope and dreams that can be yours. You can see all the little things that you do brighten peoples day, although they seem igsignificant to you. The absence of light isn't darkness, it's despair

???

I don't know why this is here. It is a mistake. Oh Well

Avatar

Avatar is a really great movie, not just for its storyline, but also for the special effects. This movie is a breakthrough for 3D entertainment. It uses a lot of new technology that makes you fell as if you are right there with the characters. This is a movie that follows Jake Sully, a marine who has lost the use of his legs. He goes to the planet Pandora to control an Avatar. This movie follows from his first time controlling his Avatar to what happens when the humans can't get what they want. Trust me, this is a movie you don't want to miss.

Alanna The First Adventure

Alanna of Trebond is not like other girls of her time. Instead of being intresed in needle work and house chores, she excells in swoardsmanship and archery. She fools her father, who hardly recognizes she exist, by taking the place of her twin brother and heading to the palace to become a knight. At the palace she went as a boy named Alan and started to learn to be a knight. This is the first of four books in the Song of the Lioness series

Evillecon

So this past weekend I went to Evansville to the center there to take part in an Anime convention. For those of you who don't know anime, in simple terms, is Japanese cartoons. At a convention people dress up in cosplay as there favorite characters in an anime. There are also many vendors there selling anime and manga, Japanese comic books. So this weekend I went to Evillecon and had a blast. I got to watch Anime, buy tons of stuff I can't fine anywhere in Owensboro and I even got to go to a rave. So needless to say I had a lot of fun.

What Marching Band Means to Me

What does Marching Band mean to me?

Well it means giving up half of your summer to start to learn three whole new pieces of music that you've never seen before.

It means spending time with friends that become like a family to you.

It means wanting to kill some people because you spend almost every waking moment with then and they are trying destroying your last nerve.

It's being able to say you've done something only certain people have done before.

Doing your best and getting the best score you've gotten in all your years of playing

It also means doing your best and reaching for a goal you've wanted to have for four years and only falling short by less than a step

It means picking yourself back up and to prepare for next year and making sure that the goal you reach for is the goal you'll get

Oh the Stupidity

Product Warnings:

• "Do not use if you cannot see clearly to read the information in the information booklet." -- In the information booklet.

• "Caution: The contents of this bottle should not be fed to fish." -- On a bottle of shampoo for dogs.

• "For external use only!" -- On a curling iron.

• "Warning: This product can burn eyes." -- On a curling iron.

• "Do not use in shower." -- On a hair dryer.

• "Do not use while sleeping." -- On a hair dryer.

• "Do not use while sleeping or unconscious." -- On a hand-held massaging device.

• "Do not place this product into any electronic equipment." -- On the case of a chocolate CD in a gift basket.

• "Recycled flush water unsafe for drinking." -- On a toilet at a public sports facility in Ann Arbor, Michigan.

• "Shin pads cannot protect any part of the body they do not cover." -- On a pair of shin guards made for bicyclists.

• "This product not intended for use as a dental drill." -- On an electric rotary tool.

• "Caution: Do not spray in eyes." -- On a container of underarm deodorant.

• "Do not drive with sunshield in place." -- On a cardboard sunshield that keeps the sun off the dashboard.

• "Caution: This is not a safety protective device." -- On a plastic toy helmet used as a container for popcorn.

• "Do not use near fire, flame, or sparks." -- On an "Aim-n-Flame" fireplace lighter.

• "Battery may explore or leak." -- On a battery. See a scanned image.

• "Do not eat toner." -- On a toner cartridge for a laser printer.

• "Not intended for highway use." -- On a 13-inch wheel on a wheelbarrow.

• "This product is not to be used in bathrooms." -- On a Holmes bathroom heater.

• "May irritate eyes." -- On a can of self-defense pepper spray.

• "Eating rocks may lead to broken teeth." -- On a novelty rock garden set called "Popcorn Rock."

• "Caution! Contents hot!" -- On a Domino's Pizza box.

• "Caution: Hot beverages are hot!" -- On a coffee cup.

• "Caution: Shoots rubber bands." -- On a product called "Rubber Band Shooter."

• "Warning: May contain small parts." -- On a frisbee.

• "Do not use orally." -- On a toilet bowl cleaning brush.

• "Please keep out of children." -- On a butcher knife.

• "Not suitable for children aged 36 months or less." -- On a birthday card for a 1 year old.

• "Do not recharge, put in backwards, or use." -- On a battery.

• "Warning: Do not use on eyes." -- In the manual for a heated seat cushion.

• "Do not look into laser with remaining eye." -- On a laser pointer.

• "Do not use for drying pets." -- In the manual for a microwave oven.

• "For use on animals only." -- On an electric cattle prod.

• "For use by trained personnel only." -- On a can of air freshener.

• "Keep out of reach of children and teenagers." -- On a can of air freshener.

• "Remember, objects in the mirror are actually behind you." -- On a motorcycle helmet-mounted rear-view mirror.

• "Warning: Riders of personal watercraft may suffer injury due to the forceful injection of water into body cavities either by falling into the water or while mounting the craft." -- In the manual for a jetski.

• "Warning: Do not climb inside this bag and zip it up. Doing so will cause injury and death." -- A label inside a protective bag (for fragile objects), which measures 15cm by 15cm by 12cm.

• "Do not use as ear plugs." -- On a package of silly putty.

• "Please store in the cold section of the refrigerator." -- On a bag of fresh grapes in Australia.

• "Warning: knives are sharp!" -- On the packaging of a sharpening stone.

• "Not for weight control." -- On a pack of Breath Savers.

• "Twist top off with hands. Throw top away. Do not put top in mouth." -- On the label of a bottled drink.

• "Theft of this container is a crime." -- On a milk crate.

• "Do not use intimately." -- On a tube of deodorant.

• "Warning: has been found to cause cancer in laboratory mice." -- On a box of rat poison.

• "Fragile. Do not drop." -- Posted on a Boeing 757.

• "Cannot be made non-poisonous." -- On the back of a can of de-icing windshield fluid.

• "Caution: Remove infant before folding for storage." -- On a portable stroller.

• "Excessive dust may be irritating to shin and eyes." -- On a tube of agarose powder, used to make gels.

• "Look before driving." -- On the dash board of a mail truck.

• "Do not iron clothes on body." -- On packaging for a Rowenta iron.

• "Do not drive car or operate machinery." -- On Boot's children's cough medicine.

• "For indoor or outdoor use only." -- On a string of Christmas lights.

• "Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly." -- On a child sized Superman costume.

• "This door is alarmed from 7:00pm - 7:00am." -- On a hospital's outside access door.

• "Beware! To touch these wires is instant death. Anyone found doing so will be prosecuted." -- On a sign at a railroad station.

• "Warning: do not use if you have prostate problems." -- On a box of Midol PMS relief tablets.

• "Product will be hot after heating." -- On a supermarket dessert box.

• "Do not turn upside down." -- On the bottom of a supermarket dessert box.

• "Do not light in face. Do not expose to flame." -- On a lighter.

• "Choking hazard: This toy is a small ball." -- On the label for a cheap rubber ball toy.

• "Not for human consumption." -- On a package of dice.

• "May be harmful if swallowed." -- On a shipment of hammers.

• "Using Ingenio cookware to destroy your old pots may void your warranty." -- A printed message that appears in a television advertisement when the presenter demonstrates how strong the cookware is by using it to beat up and destroy a regular frying pan.

• "Do not attempt to stop the blade with your hand." -- In the manual for a Swedish chainsaw.

• "Do not dangle the mouse by its cable or throw the mouse at co-workers." -- From a manual for an SGI computer.

• "Warning: May contain nuts." -- On a package of peanuts.

• "Do not eat." -- On a slip of paper in a stereo box, referring to the styrofoam packing.

• "Do not eat if seal is missing." -- On said seal.

• "Remove occupants from the stroller before folding it."

• "Access hole only -- not intended for use in lifting box." -- On the sides of a shipping carton, just above cut-out openings which one would assume were handholds.

• "Warning: May cause drowsiness." -- On a bottle of Nytol, a brand of sleeping pills.

• "Warning: Misuse may cause injury or death." -- Stamped on the metal barrel of a .22 calibre rifle.

• "Do not use orally after using rectally." -- In the instructions for an electric thermometer.

• "Turn off motor before using this product." -- On the packaging for a chain saw file, used to sharpen the cutting teeth on the chain.

• "Not to be used as a personal flotation device." -- On a 6x10 inch inflatable picture frame.

• "Do not put in mouth." -- On a box of bottle rockets.

• "Remove plastic before eating." -- On the wrapper of a Fruit Roll-Up snack.

• "Not dishwasher safe." -- On a remote control for a TV.

• "For lifting purposes only." -- On the box for a car jack.

• "Do not put lit candles on phone." -- On the instructions for a cordless phone.

• "Warning! This is not underwear! Do not attempt to put in pants." -- On the packaging for a wristwatch.

• "Do not wear for sumo wrestling." -- From a set of washing instructions. See a scanned image.

---

Assurances:

• "Safe for use around pets." -- On a box of Arm & Hammer Cat Litter.

---

Small Print From Commercials:

• "Do not use house paint on face." -- In a Visa commercial that depicts an expecting couple looking for paint at a hardware store.

• "Do not drive cars in ocean." -- In a car commercial which shows a car in the ocean.

• "Always drive on roads. Not on people." -- From a car commercial which shows a vehicle "body-surfing" at a concert.

• "For a limited time only." -- From a Rally's commercial that described how their burgers were fresh.

---

Signs and Notices:

• "No stopping or standing." -- A sign at bus stops everywhere.

• "Do not sit under coconut trees." -- A sign on a coconut palm in a West Palm Beach park circa 1950.

• "These rows reserved for parents with children." -- A sign in a church.

• "All cups leaving this store, rather full or empty, must be paid for." -- A sign in a Cumberland Farms in Hillsboro, New Hampshire.

• "Malfunction: Too less water." -- A notice left on a coffee machine.

• "Prescriptions cannot be filled by phone." -- On a form in a clinic.

• "You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside." -- On a bag of Fritos.

• "Fits one head." -- On a hotel-provided shower cap box.

• "Payment is due by the due date." -- On a credit card statement.

• "No small children." -- On a laundromat triple washer.

• "Warning: Ramp Ends In Stairs." -- A sign, correctly describing the end of a concrete ramp intended for handicap access to a bridge.

---

Safety Procedures:

• "Take care: new non-slip surface." -- On a sign in front of a newly renovated ramp that led to the entrance of a building.

• "In case of flood, proceed uphill. In case of flash flood, proceed uphill quickly." -- One of the emergency safety procedures at a summer camp.

---

Ingredients:

• "Ingredients: Artificially bleached flour, sugar, vegetable fat, yeast, salt, gluten, soya flour, emulsifier 472 (E) & 481, flour treatment agents, enzymes, water. May contain: fruit." -- The ingredients list on a package of fruit buns.

• "100% pure yarn." -- On a sweater.

• "Some materials may irritate sensitive skin. Please look at the materials if you believe this may be the case.
  Materials:
  Covering: 100% Unknown.
  Stuffing: 100% Unknown."
  -- On a pillow.

• "Cleans and refreshes without soap or water. Contains: Water, fragrance & soap." -- On the packet for a moist towelette. See a scanned image.

---

Instructions:

• "Remove the plastic wrapper." -- The first instruction on a bag of microwave popcorn; to see the instructions, one first has to remove the plastic wrapper and unfold the pouch.

• "Take one capsule by mouth three times daily until gone." -- On a box of pills.

• "Open packet. Eat contents." -- Instructions on a packet of airline peanuts.

• "Remove wrapper, open mouth, insert muffin, eat." -- Instructions on the packaging for a muffin at a 7-11.

• "Use like regular soap." -- On a bar of Dial soap.

• "Instructions: usage known." -- Instructions on a can of black pepper.

• "Serving suggestion: Defrost." -- On a Swann frozen dinner.

• "Simply pour the biscuits into a bowl and allow the cat to eat when it wants." -- On a bag of cat biscuits.

• "In order to get out of car, open door, get out, lock doors, and then close doors." -- In a car manual.

• "Please include the proper portion of your bill." -- On the envelope for an auto insurance bill.

• "The appliance is switched on by setting the on/off switch to the 'on' position." -- Instructions for an espresso kettle.

• "For heat-retaining corrugated cardboard technology to function properly, close lid." -- On a Domino's sandwich box.

The Important Question

Has anyone ever wondered why Salazar Slytherin put the entrance to the Chamber of Secrets in a girl's bathroom?

Stories from MLIA

• Today, i walked up to my friend and told her that kids are going around school saying that she showers naked. She got really offended and wanted to know who made up this horrible rumor. I don't think I'll tell her... MLIA
• Today in Human Geograpy we were talking about the importance of knowing multiple languages. A know-it-all in the back of the class raised his hand and said, "I can say goodbye in 5 different languages!" Without missing a beat, my teacher responded with, "Congratulations, you've seen The Sound of Music" and continued with his lesson. MLIA.
• Yesterday, at my friend's 18th birthday party at Chuck E Cheese, I realized that it's a casino for little kids. MLIA.
• Today I joined in the Yahoo and Google battle by typing in "Why can't I..." into each search engine. Yahoo came up with "Why can't I song lyrics..." while Google came up with "Why can't I adopt a Canadian", thanks google, I've been wondering that too. MLIA.
• Today, I asked my friend what was wrong with her to which she replied, "My body is kicking my butt because I'm not pregnant." I will never call it a period again. MLIA.
• Yesterday, after reading the MLIA about Antidaephobia, I decided to try it on my friend. I went up to her and asked, "Do you suffer from antidaephobia?" "What?" "The fear that somewhere a duck is watching you." She told me it was ridiculous and no one can be afraid of ducks. Today, I went up to her with a rubber duck and whispered "quack" into her ear. She screamed and ran into a wall. I win. MLIA

Riddles

8. What English word retains the same pronunciation, even after you take away four of its five letters?

9. If I say "Everything I tell you is a lie," am I telling you the truth or a lie?

10. What work can a painter never quite finish?

11. Why wasn't Bertha put in jail after killing dozens of people?

12. Why wasn't John able to take a photo of his mother with curlers?

13. If there are three cups of sugar and you take one away, how many do you have?

14. What has a mouth but can't chew?

15. How many letters are in the alphabet?

16. What gets wetter and wetter the more it dries?

17. What can travel around the world while staying in a corner?

18. Food can help me survive, but water will kill me. What am I?

19. Take away the whole and some still remains. What is it?

20. What stinks when living and smells good when dead?

21. When is it bad luck to meet a white cat?

22. If it has a quart capacity, how many pennies can you put into a empty piggy bank?

The Answers

8. Queue.

9. A lie. It can't be the truth without contradicting itself (and therefore being a lie), but some of my statements can be lies, and this is one of those statements.

10. Her autobiography.

11. She was a hurricane.

12. You can't use curlers to take photos! You need a camera.

13. You have just one - the one you took away.

14. A river.

15. There are eleven letters in "the alphabet."

16. A towel.

17. A stamp.

18. Fire.

19. The word "wholesome."

20. Bacon.

21. When you're a mouse.

22. Just one - after that it won't be empty.

How Many?

Sally has 3 apples. She eats 5 apples. How many apples does she have left?




Answer: None, Sally is a pathological liar and didn't eat any apples, in fact she probably didn't have any apples to begin with.

A Tragic Snow Day

Well you all know that we had a snow day this past Tuesday. Well for some people that live next door to me this will be a day they will never forget. My neighbors house caught on fire around 3 o clock. This happened when they were outside chopping firewood for their fireplace. When they next turned around there was fire in there house. When they noticed this they immediately called 911 and got what they could out of the house that was precious to them because although the entire house wasn't engulfed in flames it might have been soon. When the fire department got there they got the fire under control, but there was so much smoke that there house is probably gone because of all of the smoke. Luckily everyone was fine and so were there pets but I still don't know if the house will still be livable so right now there lives are up to the fates.

Randomness

I read this on a website, let me know what you think of it.

This past weekend I was babysitting my niece and she is very adventurous. She got into the cabinet under the sink that holds all of my cleaning chemicals. She got a hold of a bottle of dihydrogen monoxide and drank the entire bottle. I took her to the doctor straight away and he told me that she would be ok as long as she drank dihydrogen monoxide every day for the rest of her life.

Warriors the Series

Have you ever wondered what you house cat thinks about? What its hope and dreams are and what it does when your away? To answer those questions you should read the Warriors The Original Series. This series follows the life of Rusty a house cat that dreams of going into the forest. It is a good series to read if you just want to have some fun.

Disney

Right now I am having a major urge to have a Disney movie marathon right now but I can't have one. I mean, how fun would it be to have an all day marathon where all you watched were Disney movies. I don't know why this urge has suddenly come over me but I feel that this is a good idea. Anyone who reads this if it is at all possible we should have a Disney movie marathon at your house, and while there we should have pizza, cake, and ice cream. So if at all possible we should try and arrange this.

Killer Mold

In my last post I mentioned a dream about killer mold. So people can understand what I'm talking about, here is my dream.

I find myself in my kitchen holding an aerosol can freaking out about something. I hear my sister telling me to be strong and not to touch anything in the kitchen because there is mold everywhere. When I look around to see what see's talking about I see this green radioactive looking mold everywhere. I start freaking out, wondering what the hells going on when my sister starts to spray the mold with a can that looks just like mine. After I see that the spray is killing the mold I start to spray it with my can. After we kill all of the mold I feel a lot safer. Then for some reason I find myself and my sister and mom with me in my parent's walk-in closet covering our heads. It turns out that the government is going to do an air strike on Owensboro with nuclear bombs to try and stop the spread of the killer mold. My mom then takes me and my sister to our front do so that when the bombs hit we can die quickly with out feeling any pain. i start to freak out and then I see this bright flash of light, then I woke up.

Don't Worry

So you may have noticed all of my really random poems about destruction and death and might be getting a little bit worried that I'm going off the deep end. Don't worry though because I am all right. For some reason the things that pop into my head right now are really strange. I mean considering I had a dream about killer mold a little while ago. I guess my mind is just in a really weird stage right now. But don't worry because I don't hear voices in my head. Yet

Random Poem # 2

There once was a man named Fred

Who never moved from his bed

His family kept trying

but he kept crying,

so now he's dead in his bed